Don’t Dig Up in Doubt What You Planted in Faith (Week 15 MKMMA)

It been a very intense, fast paced, full few weeks at home, with our extra cold weather, and the holidays.

The last 2 weeks of posts, if I’m honest with myself, were less than satisfying to write. It’s what I had the time/energy resources to simply crank out, a last minute summary of how things were going. Highlights from the course I’d been chewing on. Requirement met. But not nearly as fulfilling and enjoyable to write as those posts in previous weeks that have practically written themselves.

It was a lovely break from school, filled with visits with family, baking projects, lazy pajama days, time playing outside when it wasn’t crazy cold, T getting called in to work a “fair amount”, craft projects, days when the 3 littles had major cabin fever, adjusted nap & bedtime schedules, more dishes & laundry than usual, a trip to the local North Pole, fun movies at home, a lot of illness 😦 towards the end, and a couple home improvement projects.

With the days as full as they were, I had to rely heavily on routine & habits established during the first 14 weeks of MKE to carry me through.

I started gaining more clarity around my DMP and PPNs, somewhat through process of elimination, and somewhat through conversations with other people, and finding inspiration from them.

The Flash Cards have been life savers! They are easy and fast to fit in throughout the day in tiny increments of opportunity, yet the continuity in linking they offer is profound.

The areas I fell behind (like the weekly service, for instance) instead of dwelling on that, I let it go and picked up again when I could rather than beating myself up over it or trying to play “catch up” & giving into overwhelm. I had the a-ha that the service I had chosen for 11/19 was too complex and a “bigger bite” than I really should have committed to, so I’m breaking it down into realistic pieces for success! So freeing!!

Also- my dad gifted both D and A really cool magnifying glasses and A a compass! To my knowledge, he isn’t aware the significance that both of those items have to me relating to MKE. When the kids opened their gifts, my jaw dropped. Integrated reminders and connections that I had no active part in!

I also won a drawing for Blue Tansy essential oil on a friend of mine’s Facebook group. I was not familiar with Blue Tansy at all. Reading this page though, I felt a very tangible buzzing sensation course through my entire body! So exciting! My friend even said she prayed before doing each drawing that God would connect the right person with the oil being drawn for.

This course, the people I’ve connected with through it, the mindset shifts happening…have all been life changing and incredible. I can feel the shift on a daily basis. The change in me is changing my relationships as well, for the better. When I find myself slipping and identify old blueprint type reactions happening, it is easier for me to more quickly identify and “re route”.

Has it been easy so far? No

Has it been worth it? Resoundingly YES!

I’m looking forward to 2018 and 40, and all the good that will be happening between now and December!

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Penzey’s Pumpkin Pecan Pie

This is in the works today! I roasted some pie pumpkins earlier this week, so our purée is ready to go! When you can’t decide which kind of pie to make… incorporate 2 together! It’s easy and relatively fast. Just be sure to allow a couple hours for refrigeration once it’s cooled.

I’ve made this several times since discovering the recipe in a Penzey’s Spices catalog almost a decade ago. It’s a family favorite!

INGREDIENTS:

One 9 inch unbaked pie shell

One 15 oz. can solid pack pumpkin (or homemade equivalent)

1/3 cup brown sugar

1/3 cup granulated sugar

3/4 tsp. china cinnamon

3/4 tsp. powdered ginger

1/8 tsp. salt

1 tsp. pure vanilla extract

2 eggs, well beaten

1/2 cup milk

TOPPING:

1/4 cup butter

1/2 cup brown sugar

3/4 cup coarsely chopped pecans

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a mixing bowl, combine the pumpkin, brown sugar, granulated sugar, cinnamon, ginger, salt, vanilla, eggs, and milk.  Mix until well blended.

Pour into the unbaked pie shell.

Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes.

Meanwhile mix the last 3 ingredients until crumbly.  Sprinkle the topping on the pie.

Bake an additional 25 minutes.

Cool and refrigerate at least a few hours for easiest slicing.

Week 9 MKMMA- But how did I get here?!

The subconscious power we are mindfully using to create and shape our future reality is the very same subconscious power that (unharnessed) created the circumstances & conditions that are obstacles to creating our new desired realities.

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope all of you who celebrated Thanksgiving this week have enjoyed wonderful fellowship & food with loved ones! We chose to go low key here on Thursday with just our immediate family. The kids and I saw T’s folks on Wednesday morning for breakfast and a cookie baking project. We will be celebrating on Saturday afternoon with my parents and a few others. I can’t wait!

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

It has also been a full week as T got called in on a main break Tuesday night late and didn’t get home until Wednesday afternoon. That hardworking tired guy headed to bed shortly after and didn’t get up til Thursday morning! Neither of us can recall the last time he got 7-8 hours of sleep let alone double that! Well deserved and much-needed! 😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴

I still have part of the week 9 webinar replay to listen to as I fell asleep trying to finish it the other night. Here’s the thing though, there was such an incredible point made near the very beginning, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that all week. When I considered what I would write about for my week 9 post, that was the obvious choice.

A large part of this course is learning how to actively and intentionally influence our subconscious (and the world within) to shape our lives and our future (the world without). Have you ever looked around at your life and wondered, “How did I get here?!” 🤔 Whether in positive wonderment and gratitude or perhaps during a difficult season, in grief and discouragement. Either way, the answer is the same.

I was sitting on D’s bed tonight after 9pm, slightly frustrated because he was still awake. He played really hard today with a friend AND I woke him early from a nap to get outside for a walk. How was he still awake?! Gah!

Baby C was asleep beside him in the queen futon- we three are typically all together for bedtime and books and I move C once D is asleep or when I sneak out. This is not a rare circumstance these days but nevertheless still one I have a bit of love/hate relationship with. I adore him, he gives the best snuggles, he’s thinking some pretty big thoughts and asking (23,001) fascinating questions these days. Many of which come out at bedtime in the near dark while he processes and tries to “give up the day”. All good, except it means that for now, my time to myself is still quite limited, even at night, especially during the regular week. And some nights I fall asleep getting him to sleep and wake up at 11 or midnight, with prep for the next day still left to do, only to wake up at 6 or a bit before to start it all over again.

Anyway- so I’m sitting there, being present for my little man who is yet scared of the dark, torn between giving in to just falling asleep there and trying to stay awake to “get some stuff done”, including this post, and finishing some other coursework requirements. I look around and the corner of the room/office closet to me is still a major work in progress. The room is in transition from being our office/catch all room (sad) to D’s room. I start to mentally beat myself up for not getting it done yet, for being so disorganized, for having such a cluttered space, etc. I catch myself and mentally STOP. How did I get here?! How did this room become so cluttered? How did my workspace, a bit indicative of my business habits, become so chaotic? Why can I hardly see my desk?! How did I get to the point where outgrown clothing stored in diaper boxes and miscellaneous work resources and other random things in bags are haphazardly stacked, threatening to shift or topple, if like a Jenga game piece 1 item is too casually pulled out?!

I know how I got here. Every time I made the choice to not deal with something and instead stuff it in a bag, not making that space a priority, to not simply donate or give away or sell the outgrown kids’ clothing, to not have a designated recycling bin very handy, etc, that all adds up. It didn’t get so messy and cluttered over night. Small bits of undisciplined and thoughtless choice over time. It’s not quite as black and white as that to me, as that doesn’t factor in life’s circumstance outside of what we can control or any of the emotional baggage potentially connected to it. However, that does account for a lot.

Conversely, small excellent choices every day also have a cumulative effect. That’s some good news!!

I’ve been tackling my home in zones. Picking which area needs attention and love and decluttering and a solid dose of my creative energy next. I’m learning it’s less disheartening and overwhelming in smaller chunks. And rather than looking at a spot and feeling self loathing I’m seeing opportunity to create a better and more useable space. So rather than expending energy and time and thought in bemoaning what is and feeling bad about it, it would seem better to change those thoughts into more constructive, action oriented game plans. And putting into place better habits and disciplines for the future, for myself and for my kids to model.

The subconscious power we are mindfully using to create and shape our future reality is the very same subconscious power that (unharnessed) created the circumstances & conditions that are obstacles to creating our new desired realities.

Week 8- MKMMA- Our Kids Pay Close Attention to Our Actions and Example

I’ve been leaning on audio more & more, that is, stuff I’d usually be reading & re-reading for the coursework I have, is now in audio format.

We were assigned to make specific recordings last week, but I recorded other materials as well. So often I am driving or prepping lunches or snuggling little ones to sleep…reading just isn’t a realistic option during those times. But listening is!

I went through almost all the things I have written on my index cards & made voice memos. My 4 yo, D was with me while I did it. Some of that was the content of our chore/service card. Every week, to reinforce the habit of successfully completing a task or service, we have to write it down with the following Sunday’s date. And the phrase, “I always keep my promises.” And my name. Once completed, we are to celebrate/acknowledge that success! Part of re-wiring the subconscious & tying in positive emotion. These aren’t meant to be particularly large or challenging tasks. They can be anything that needs to get done, that can be accomplished by me, without help from anyone or any $ cost.

So that’s the context of the story I want to share here. It had been a long day. T had worked a ton of hours & overnight, too, on a water main break call.

I was feeding the kids dinner, and T was trying to catch a few z’s. D is typically pretty chatty, sometimes to the point where we ask him to practice some quiet time.

Instead of his usual random noises and various nursery rhymes & school songs, etc, he starts mimicking the phrasing I had recorded for my service card, enumerating all the things he had done and done well that day!

“Hey! I did it! I ate all my food! Hey! I did it! I didn’t have any accidents! Hey! I did it! I kept my voice quiet while Dad is sleeping! Hey! I did it! I shared toys with my baby C! Hey! I did it! I followed directions and was a kind brother!”

And so on! His list was at least ten things, and the smile on his face while he recounted his successes was priceless! I cheered him on, and when he finished, tried to encourage and reinforce all those positives he had listed PLUS let him know how excited and proud I was of him for celebrating those successes!

(He has also started saying “I can be what I will to be.” and “Do it now.” periodically. Especially if it’s a task he’s not particularly fired up about completing. I don’t think he really understands the significance of what he’s saying but it’s having a positive effect nevertheless!)

In addition to being surprised and happy, I also suddenly felt the weight & impact of parenting. The realization that they are *so* observant, such sponges, and what they see me doing, and how I do it, they will mimic. This coursework and discipline is not only changing me, and my subconscious, and my path, it is also a powerful catalyst to shape my children’s lives. Wow.

Week 7- MKMMA- What do you look forward to? (Or “there is no substitute for actual self-care”)

A mama friend of mine recently posed this question in her FB consignment boutique group, as part of a giveaway entry. 

“What do you look forward to?”

I lightheartedly typed, “Tomorrow morning’s coffee! 🤣”

But it got me thinking.

What do I look forward to?  I realized that so many of my choices or habits I’ve created have been in some ways, to artificially create something to look forward to. For example…endless cups of coffee with the hope that the next one I’ll be able to drink hot and in (semi)Peace. Various types of junk food/sweets, snuck, as a “reward”, alcohol (no, I don’t think I have a problem per se but I do drink more often than I want to from a health perspective), buying “stuff” to anticipate it arriving in the mail or on the porch (not all the purchases, but I can identify a good handful).  I’ve been aware of this subconsciously for awhile and so I can say now I’ve been making some changes for awhile, for the better! Yay !!  It’s just that this past week or so I’ve had more conscious A-HAs and have been connecting the dots! 


At the surface, you may roll your eyes and say “really?! Is life so bad or so hard that you have nothing to look forward to as it is, so much so that you’ve created these other habits?!” And you’d be right…life is good, and I have an abundance of blessings and amazing things & people to be thankful for. 

There were several years not too long ago, during which I let a lot of resentment & anger & self pity creep in and really get a solid hold on me. That did much damage to me & to those closest to me. It produced in me anxiety, and emotions of inadequacy, self doubt, fear, obsession, guilt, and fed negative self talk. Without going in too much deeper for now, it’s safe to say these filters very adversely affected my choices and my relationships. 

This week in our coursework, a main “assignment” was to go on a 7 day mental diet to create new habits. That is, anything negative whether about ourselves or someone else needs to be replaced with a positive and/or a gratitude. And every time we slip, that 7 Days starts over.

I have had to start over so many times. I really thought I had a better handle on keeping my thoughts & voices in my head positive…it’s not a new concept to me and I DO go through positive affirmations pretty much daily. But I definitely caught myself! What we tell our mind it believes. And that belief affects our actions. So whether it’s about myself or about my kids or husband or any other relationship in my life…what I think about affects my relationship with them and feeds either good or bad, and that will snowball!


I’ve been intentionally acknowledging and discovering every day pleasures & experiences to look forward to, and the more positive and grateful things I think on, the easier it is becoming. 

Here’s a short list of things I’ve decided to look forward to. 

Coffee. It will always make my list. But like maybe 1-2 cups, whether I get to savor them in peace or not so much. It’s all good.

The sound of my children’s laughter. 

D’s songs and stories and random things he remembers and *has* to share with me that very second.

Getting A off the bus in the afternoon- she is SO EXCITED to see me. I will be SO EXCITED to see her! 

My baby’s cry when he wakes up at night, just as I finally sat down to have some me time whether for work or an attempt to relax. Or if I need to prep for the next day somehow. Instead of sighing like “oh man he’s awake…” it will be “my sweet boy! I get to kiss his cheeks!”

My husband’s face and familiar kiss when he walks in the door after work. He is home safely and he works so hard for his family. 

Laundry to do, dishes to wash, floors to vacuum. We have a safe, warm house that serves us well. 

Showers! Baby C is my first kiddo to enjoy playing at my feet while I shower. I just discovered this today. This is a major gamechanger in the realm of mommy self care!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼

My daily devotions and affirmations. Sometimes they happen at 6:55am, sometimes not til a lot later. Earlier is my preference but I am grateful for any time.

Big Victories!!

Monday, October 16, 2017 will be a day I remember for the rest of my life.  I was dropping off D at his afternoon blended preschool class when I ran into A’s special education teacher in the hallway.  As D only goes twice a week for 90 minutes, sometimes I run into faculty I know and sometimes I just scoot in & out quickly. 
“Sarah!! I’m so glad I ran into you. I was just about to text you something. A short video of A! It was so awesome, I got goosebumps!”

Curiosity piqued, I waited for her to continue.

“She’s READING!! It’s a picture book, with 6 words on each page. She is doing SUCH a great job! Pointing to each word individually, using the pictures to double check. She’s just doing awesome. I gotta run but I’ll send it over asap.”

I walked out to our dark blue minivan, baby C in tow, headed to my next stop, an oil change and once over for said van.

After I dropped the van & keys, and situated C in his stroller, we started our walk. A beautiful sunny autumn day in Wisconsin dictated we make the most of it and grab some fresh air. As fate would have it, our mechanic is only blocks away from one of my favorite coffee shops. My destination was pretty clear.  Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz. . “Shave and a haircut, two bits.”  I looked at my phone, on permanent vibrate these days because often someone is sleeping, or could be. 

And this! This was the precious message, heart exploding video I opened up.  (It’s just shy of 3 minutes…her expression at the end is so awesome.) 

“Proud moment!!”

A has always loved books, even as a infant & toddler. She gravitated towards them, studied them, toted them around, pored over them, as if she knew the power of osmosis. 

I didn’t know she could read like that. Now I wonder what other amazing skills she’s developed that I don’t know about. Lol. I am SO EXCITED for her! I read a ton growing up…it was my favorite pastime. The world opens up when you can read.  It is the doorway to an even bigger imagination and adventures.  I always knew she would gain that skill at some point, I just didn’t know it would be now. And I’m thrilled to continue supporting her reading skills and love of books.  We are celebrating big victories over here! 😍💝🙌🏼🎉